Hello 🙂

I felt a little anxious today when my girlfriend said she wasn’t overly keen on spending time with a friend of mine. I did some TW and uncovered the reason was this thought / manual:

– Someone I’m with should be willing to spend time with anyone in my life that I want them to

When digging into my reasons for this manual, I realised it’s so I can get to feel calm, at peace, avoid arguments / uncomfortable situations.

I don’t like these reasons – and I know my work is to take responsibility for my own emotions, and know that I cause them. I also want to be able to feel comfortable and calm even when other people don’t behave exactly how I think they should.

This shift in perspective helped instantly.

But then (of course) my LB has come back with the worst case scenario which made me begin to wonder – how do we decide from a clean place which things in a relationship are a deal breaker?

If we take responsibility for our own feelings and know it’s our thoughts causing our feelings, not them – clean that up – but decide our preference would still be a partner who did want to integrate with our friends and family, is that then leaving from a ‘good place’?

I’ve come up with the below thought:

– I am responsible for feeling calm and happy, but I’d like a romantic partner who wants to integrate with the rest of my life.

Am I on the right lines?