Where do I begin and how?

Hi, I’m from México. I’ve been struggling with major to “minor” depression (I’m now taking medication). I’m a physician (general practitioner), however, I’m not working right now. I think of myself more in a bad way than a good.  Honestly I think I suck, I feel stuck, I don’t know what to do to change my mindset besides joining Scholars.

I haven’t worked as a physician for almost 10 months except 24 hours in December covering someone’s shift.  I felt anxious all the time except a little when I was with my patients. The “reason” I think is because of an experience in the beginning of 2021 involving sexual harassment in the workplace and discrimination (at me for being the one who speak up about that). One of the perpetrators (the CEO from that plant) was fired (without my knowledge and consent), yet the other perpetrator, they did nothing.

After that I recieve a call from the department of ethics of the company. It was the most horrible call I’ve ever had.  He insulted me in various ways, he threatened me with firing the employees that had known the situation, he acused me like I was the one who created the problem, etc. The next step for them was not to renew my contract, so I lost my job there. I spent the next two months isolated, in my house for security because I didn’t know what reaction the fired person (the perpetuator CEO) would have against me. Then I moved out to another city with my family.

I was afraid of talking with people, with my friends, with my family, my social anxiety got worse.  The mere thought of working in something related with my career field makes me nauseous and anxious. After a few months, and with the insistence of my mom, I worked in my mom’s office as an accountant assistant occasionally.  I then move out to another city with my sister who had just begun her career in the university. My mom helped me a lot with just taking me out of the house and making me interact with strangers again.

I moved out with my sister with the hope of feeling better and get money for a business I have in mind, however,  I have no job.  I haven’t seriously searched for one.  I’m afraid of working again with horrible people, afraid of experiencing all of that again with no justice and being the one at fault. I don’t trust people, I’m afraid of them, I have a lot of debt and no income.

In the middle of that, apart of the love from my family, I was finally able to go on vacation with my family and to the US with my dad for a couple of weeks. I could do all of that with the help of my dad, the last savings I had and a credit card.

I know that I have a lot of work to do, that’s why I need orientation with what’s the most important or relevant or whatever area I need to improve first.