If I want a boyfriend to share my life with and I can choose to love anyone just by managing my thoughts about them, then why wouldn’t I just choose to love the next man who wants to spend time with me simply in order to have a boyfriend in my life? Where do preferences fit in?

Let’s say I prefer to have a boyfriend who is tall, bald, likes to dance, is a spiritual and emotional adult, enjoys spending time with me and does not attempt to stop me from being an independent woman, but I meet a man who is interested in being my boyfriend, but he is shorter than I am, with a full head of hair, likes to golf, is an atheist, is immature and only likes to spend time with me when I do what he wants? Should I simply start telling myself/thinking thoughts like I love the golfer, etc. just because he is the one who has shown up in my life and would fill my desire to have a boyfriend?

I ask because I would actually like a boyfriend and I’ve met a man who wants to fill that spot in my life, but even though I enjoy his company to some degree, I’m not physically attracted to him and I’d like to be. Should I simply start telling myself that I am physically attracted to him just because he is presently in my life and available?

This question was spurred by your coaching of the woman in her car on today’s (January 7, 2019) live call. What I got from your coaching her was she just needs to start telling herself/thinking the thought, “This man is perfect for me” even though she doesn’t really want to be with him.

Somehow this all seems like mental masturbation where we can talk ourselves into or out of anything. Why make choices at all or set goals or have desires? Why not just change our thinking about everything and be a happy slug on a log?

I don’t mean this as a dissing of your work, because I have experienced its value in many situations, but I’m having difficulty with a situation like the one I’ve described above, particularly with regard to what is the point of having preferences if the point is to get happy with whatever is. Thanks!