How to love my mother when she’s controlling and frantic

I’m wrapping my brain around what this can look like.

My mother gets frantic. She wishes us all to do what she wants, how she wants it, when she wants it. There can be outbursts if we don’t. Sometimes I can do it happily, sometimes what she’s outlining totally doesn’t work for me. I will frequently leave then, either leave the room or, if I’m just too triggered or am calm but simply don’t want to be around the frenetic controlling, get my daughter, thank my mother for our visit, and leave. And to be fully transparent, I can get the same way simply by wanting her NOT to be so controlling, frantic and frenetic. I become all three in wanting her to stop.

Common T1: My mother is crazy / controlling. – I can’t stand this. – I can’t stand my mother. – Oh my God, I have to get away from here. – Oh my God, this is what it was like growing up.

Possible T2 through a ladder: I have a mother. – My mother has thoughts. – My mother has thoughts that produce her feelings. * What’s next on the ladder? What other T line might I invoke? *

Other questions: How to love her then? Can I love her and leave? I know the answer is yes, but whoosh, that’s not easy.

How do you love your mother when she says crazy things? What does that look like? You talk about it. I’m in for doing the work to get there with my mother.