When my husband and my dad hang out together they usually end up drinking a fair bit (to me – and compared to their ‘usual’ that is 4 or 5 drinks), staying up late, and I always feel annoyed by it. Neither of them are big drinkers usually, although my dad probably drinks a bit more than my husband.
For a long time I’ve told myself (and my husband!) that they are both doing it because they each think the other one enjoys it and they each want to ‘please the other’ – and to me that feels stupid, but I don’t truly believe that is the case. They do both enjoy just having a few drinks together, but I sort of find that annoying too. I guess because I’d like them to be able to hang out and enjoy each other’s company without drinking alcohol.
Personally I will tend to have just one or two and prefer an early night, so I want others to be the same as me? There may also be something in the fact that years ago, my dad having a few drinks with friends would annoy my mum, so as a kid/teenager, I would also want him to not do it, just to keep the peace.
When friends or other people choose that, it doesn’t annoy me, but when my dad and husband choose to stay up later and drink, it does. I have a really good relationship with both of them and love that they both get on so well.
The reason I’m trying to coach myself on it right now is because my husband is currently visiting our families overseas and has told me how he’s hardly drunk alcohol at all and has really liked it. Yet he went to visit my dad yesterday and totally fell back to that old routine. Drink more than usual and stay up late.
Partly I’m annoyed at him for letting go of what he has said he is enjoying (not drinking as much) and also annoyed in my usual previous way.
I’m not sure ‘what I’m making it mean’ when they drink more and stay up later. And I’m not sure exactly why I wish they would just have one or two and go to bed early.
C- Husband and dad stay up until midnight and have 4 or 5 drinks each
T – ?
F – Annoyed
A – Question and be short with husband. Give him ‘warnings’ that he better still be on top form for whatever the next day involves.
R – ? (I feel like I come across as up tight and controlling to husband and dad. But I know that is their model, not mine).