C: My boyfriend and I are 12 days out from moving in together. Last night, in a conversation that ultimately ended with expressed intent from both of us to stay committed to each other and our relationship, he said of our relationship: “Things have been heavy, but I always thought those were just growing pains of figuring it out. What if the heaviness is permanent?” And “There is definitely a fear that we might not be right for each other. There is also a big part of me that knows this feels right.”
T: He has doubts about me.
F: Rejected
A: Tell myself his fears are factual and his primary thoughts. Take responsibility for the heaviness in the relationship and tell myself I create heaviness in relationships. Worry we won’t work out because he doesn’t believe in it. Worry about how I’ll feel if I move in with him and it falls apart.
R: Dissonance and discomfort. I deeply love and want him and this relationship with him, and I’m taking action in support of that, but I also feel slowed down now by the nagging feelings of this line of thinking.

I’m unsettled when I focus on his fear that we aren’t right for each other. I didn’t expect that from him, and I’m making it mean the relationship is doomed.

The heavy is so heavy and not the energy I want to show up with for myself, for him, or for us. Can you please help me find some levity?