77 urge beads later

Initially I did not know what allowing an urge was. It took me 77 allowed urges to turn their volume down. This experiment did not translate into weight loss. In fact I gained 2lb (not at all a bad thing) and balance. I was under eating and over exercising on weekdays and overeating on weekends. I thought I had balance but the urge jar exercise definitely was Transformative and so powerful! My urges are so subtle and my desire is now down to a 1 or 2, very easy to manage! After Brooke coached me I understood what an urge was and my poor jar started to get rich again. And today I had an experience that made me emotional. I went to the grocery store and when I faced the bakery aisle I stared looking for something. I did not know what I wanted. I walked for about 10 min, grabbed a slice of chocolate cake put it in my basket and thought: this isn’t it. I returned the cake. And I heard something I’ve never heard before: What you are looking for is not in here. As I walked home I heard more, I am not satisfied, and not in a hungry way. I realized then and there that all along I misunderstood that message from myself.
I left. No cake. As I write this I am crying because I don’t quite know where to go from here. I did not buffer all day after that chocolate cake awakening. But I feel a little lost here now. I actually think this may be a good thing but there is this part of me that is still afraid to turn to food again. What is the direction to go from here? Thank you so much for this work Brooke, I am forever grateful that you exist in this world!