8 year old and emotional melt downs

Hi Brooke, I have an 8 year old daughter who can be delightful but also is extremely negative. She lacks confidence, which I work on helping her build and when things go south in her world, it is all encompassing. Currently, she won’t listen to me for the most part, and is generally angry and mad at me because I ask her to get dressed for school, get out of the car, go to school, etc. She digs her heels in and refuses to cooperate. Lately I’ve found myself at my wits end because it has become such a daily and regular occurrence that has negatively affected all of our lives. I miss work frequently because she refuses to get dressed for school, we are often late to activities because she won’t get out of the car, which makes her sister late as well. Ultimately, I end up yelling at her to get her moving because she doesn’t respond to kind cajoling. In response, she tells me I yell at her all the time.

Ok, so that’s the back story. Today, I did realize that as soon as it starts, I have the thought, “it never ends”, then the thought, “I can’t handle this”, which immediately led into “I need a drink.” I worked some models after I got all the kids to bed and while I did manage to work out a different thought, I still feel stuck in this angry cycle because her behavior often negatively affects all of us surrounding her. I realize its my thought here, and also that she may need some sort of help in coping with what is happening in her world, but in the meantime, I don’t think my yelling is helping. I don’t know how to hit the pause button in the middle of one of her meltdowns where I switch from calm to angry and I generally end up on the angry end. Any help you can offer on a model?