I used to get life coaching and have daily accountability with them whilst I did their overeating programme. I got good results, I lost 30lbs. I finished the programme so I decided to join SCS so I could develop my own protocol, one I could see myself doing forever. I have thoughts that I’m struggling since leaving my life coach, that I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t remember how I used to just let the urges be there and how I felt my feelings. I also have a PT, I always worry what he will think about me and if he will find out about me and my overeating. I did a couple of thought downloads this morning, I was feeling scared to see my PT today cause I overate, I wanted to cancel and hide as I felt shame and guilt, I thought what if he finds out, what if he can see it or can tell. I’ve let myself down. He will think badly of me, he will think I’m a loser, weak, he won’t like me or think of me as a good client anymore. I’ve felt this way for a while and do the model for that I don’t need his approval, only my own approval of myself matters and counts. But I still feel the old way and this happens every week before I see him especially if I’ve been overeating earlier in the week, I start worry about what will happen on Saturday, will I be found out. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?
I’m trying to learn how to be accountable to myself without my life coach or wanting to please my PT – I did a thought download asking why I wasn’t able to be accountable to myself like I am to other people? I had thoughts like I don’t matter, I’m not important, I don’t care what I think of myself, I care more about what other people think of me, I want their approval and praise from them it makes me feel good, I don’t get the same feeling when I do things for myself, I can’t do well on my own I need attention from someone and for them to tell me I’m doing well, I’m doing ok, I’m doing it right so I keep trying, when I do it on my own I give up easily or can’t stay as committed as I do when they check up on me, I don’t do as well or make as much progress, I keep trying to do it on my own and I keep failing, I only seem to be able to last a couple of days before I choose to overeat again despite knowing it’s not a comfort to me anymore and doesn’t give me true joy or relief anymore, I don’t value myself own or my own worthiness, I don’t seem to be able to do it for myself even though I’m working on my mindset and had coaching, I’m still choosing to overeat and even thought it doesn’t give me what I’m looking for from it, it doesn’t make me feel good or better so why am I choosing to still keep doing it, I’m aware that I choose to do it now but I don’t understand what’s wrong with me and why I keep making the same mistakes, I want to end this overeating and become the real true version of myself, to show up as the best version of myself and have a better life, to feel better without food and to go create the life I want to have and to have a better relationship with myself, I want to think of myself as the most important person in my life and not of myself as a loser and hopeless, that I will be forever stuck this way and that I will always be suffering and having a bad life.
What can I do to help create more desire for myself to have my own back, to honour my commitment to myself and to think highly of myself and stay accountable to myself like I want to others