Relationship wise…I am very aware of my mind going to anxious attachment with my intimate person when I’m not with him. It’s taking up a lot of my thought time and I become distracted easily when doing other tasks.

How do I hold myself accountable for either being okay with me being the sole pursuer of this relationship, or not being okay with me being the main pursuer, and therefore stop always going to him and fulfilling our previous patterns?

My brain goes to: If he loved me enough, he would pursue me/be curious about me too.

Most of the time I am able to catch the thoughts and feel the anxiety through to: I am an incredible person, of course he loves me.

And then that overly occupying “why doesn’t he love me enough to want to contact/plan to be with me”, thought keeps bubbling up and I question myself and my choices regarding the relationship.

I want to be accountable to myself to either be intentional that I am pursuing this relationship for how it actually is OR to back off and let the relationship dwindle again, even though I want to be with this person, I know he loves me, and I also know I deserve to have someone be curious enough about me to reach out &/or travel to see me.

Oh, the cognitive dissonance!