I am about to undergo two life-changing surgeries this coming year in order to reduce my risk of breast and ovarian cancer.
I noticed the responses I get from my friends and family. They all: “Poor you! The suffering that you will put yourself through. Why you are the unlucky one. Please tell us if there is anything we can do. We want to be there for you…”
These comments seem comforting in the moment, loving, well-intended, and for the most part, they make me feel loved and cared for.
But the truth of it is that I don’t feel unlucky, poor me or any of that sort.
I feel lucky to be given this warning, so I can do something about it.
I feel I am totally capable of taking the best care of myself and thrive not just survive after these surgeries.
I feel blessed and grateful for having access to the best doctors.
I feel I found the best team that will take care of all my needs and concerns.
And as I notice these thoughts and my friends and family comments, my brain interprets it that if I were to truly tell my friends and family what I really think and if I truly show up in a brave and confident and be an inspiring example, that I won’t get any concern or love from them and they will not send me daily messages of “Poor you… what can I do to help…”
I really spent time trying to understand the benefit my brain sees in the comfort of their love, which will make me need to actually pretend I am suffering, vs. possibly getting less attention, while showing up strong and capable for myself.
Is this one of those situations where I need to convince my brain that staying confident and inspiring others is more worthy than playing small and getting attention?