I have been getting this illness, which is quite debilitating when it happens. I feel ill and am nauseous. Sometimes I vomit, have diarrhea and headache and it can last between 2 – 4 days. All I want to do is go to bed and sleep. And often that is what I do.
The first time it happened I thought I have a flu bug, another time I thought I have food poisoning. But today it started and I realized its anxiety related. And anxiety caused from a very particular issue.
It’s always in connection with my relationship with my husband. We spend a lot of time together physically, but he isn’t a talker or a doer, and sometimes I feel like I need to do things without him.
I got really ill like this once when I went away for a weekend to visit a friend in a different state. I spent most of the time in bed at her house or on her sofa.
Earlier this summer, I got ill like this when I was really mad and upset with him for something he said he would do but didn’t, and make the consequences of him not doing really affected me.
Then it’s happening again, right now. This time it’s because he is going to be on-call for 4 days, and when he is, he is a nightmare to live with. Moody, stressed and more. Plus, it’s worse now because I am working from home because of COVID.
So, I said I am going to go and stay in a hotel for those 4 days. I explained nicely, and he understood but said he felt abandoned. I am sooooo excited about those days. Really looking forward to some quiet time, and I have an exciting work project I can get my teeth into. But, I feel bad because I know he doesn’t want me to do this.
The common theme with these 3 things is that I am either physically separated or emotional separated (when I was mad at him) and feel a bit guilty.
How can I feel separated from him (for a few days) and not feel anxious? I don’t know, but I think the anxiety is coming from the fact that I feel guilty for being separated from him even though it’s not for long.