I have a manual for my husband that he should contribute to the childcare and household chores. I am trying to let this manual go, but I worry that I will end up doing all the household and childcare if I do. I don’t want to nag him, but I believe that if I don’t he won’t contribute. It doesn’t feel like I can put a boundary on this as I don’t have any option for actions to take. For example, if I ask him to bathe the youngest child and he says no, I can’t just say, “well I’m not doing it”, as the child needs to be bathed. I want to let go of the manuals and build a loving supportive relationship, but I’m struggling to find the right thoughts in this situation. Here’s my attempt at the model:

C. child is due a bath, I ask the husband to do it, he refuses.
T. I have to do everything
F. resentment
A. make snide comments to my husband, act like a victim
R. Poor relationship

C. child is due a bath, I ask the husband to do it, he refuses.
T. ?
F. calm
A. calmly bath the child, remain loving to husband
R. Good relationship?

Any suggestions on how I can make my intentional model something that gives me the result I want?