I found out very recently and inadvertently that my partner lied to me in a major way. She has a pattern of lying as self protection and had worked on this. Knowing her as I do I understand the history of it and the reasons. The lies are not pathological, malicious or anything, At best they are self protective of massive shame she has around personal issues. But this lie was massive and I am trying to do some models around it and
I understand that the C line is all her behavior.
The F line is the betrayal and anger I feel.
But I am having a hard time with the T line- Mostly I come up with questions like WTF??? or why are you doing this to us? or how could you? If I push it I can come up with You lied to me, you betrayed my trust (again). You promised not to do this. Etc.
But these don’t seem like genuine thoughts. I mean they are thoughts I know. I don’t know what I think around her behavior. Part of me just wants to move on and past it but I am aware I have boundary issues and codependent behaviors. I don’t feel like I am truly accessing my thoughts or my feelings for that matter. I don’t know how what to truly think about it.
So I am wondering, Are the thought/ questions the right direction? or am I missing something vital around this.
Thoughts on my thoughts?