I have been journaling and trying to create an intentional thought that will serve me with and my relationship with my MIL. The reason I feel upset when I say no to my MIL is because I feel as if I am being selfish when I choose to prioritize my time. I feel awesome the majority of the times I do something for her because I value kindness. Other times I feel taken for granted because my MIL will minimize the task on hand and attempt manipulation for the task to be completed. Other times I feel yucky because upon engaging her, I deal with her aggressive, anxious and complaining nature and feel sucked in. I remind myself that this is a woman that who is depressed and anxious and try to empathize. Then I empathize. But she makes it very difficult to focus on that thought because she is so easy to dislike. She is the grandmother who constantly tells my kids ‘you dont want to come to grandmother, OK- no treat for u’ OR ‘you dont remember your grandmother, OK- I wont like you either.’ She was emotionally unavailable for her own children and currently two of her sons have minimal contact and my husband cares for her more as an obligation than out of love. My parents are emotionally mature and independent and nourishing- they are givers and my MIL is the opposite. I know I am trying to give you evidence of her toxic nature without going to great lengths but I really am at a loss on this intentional thought.
I choose love. I choose to care. I choose to nourish all persons that fall under my responsibility and I accept (still trying to fully accept) that she is part of my circle. I will do my best to help her when I can. I will not expect for her not to ask. I will not expect her not to inconvenience me. I will empathize that she is just trying to make herself feel better at the moment.
C: my mil asks me to take her for errands
T: my MIL chooses to be dependent on others and chooses to be a burden. she chooses not to drive, not to learn how to maneuver her iphone, chooses not to go on anxiety meds/depression meds despite a long hx of mental illness. If I take her anywhere, she will only complain to me about my husband, my FIL and about how awful her life is.
A: run errands (wo her) but frustrated and desiring recognition for my engagement with her when no one else wants to <>
R: frustrated with husband for MIL being a part of our life
C: MIL asks to run errands
T: I have chosen to help whenever I can
F: generous/socially responsible
A: run errand on my time
R: I am helpful and I am content that I have done my best