I’m an illustrator and I got a new commission. When I think about it, I feel a punch in my chest, like dread or fear. I did a thought download and some models about the situation.

Thoughts: This is too good for me. It’s overpaid. I’m not good enough. I have to do something really good. I’m afraid the clients don’t like what I do, that I do something lame. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to look like a fool. I don’t deserve it. I have to work a lot to deserve all this money.

Unintentional Model:

C new commission
T I don’t deserve it.
F illegitimate
A belittle myself, compare myself, devalue my work, don’t see my qualities, or how competent I am, don’t push myself forward
R I create bad conditions for me to work on this commission

C new commission
T I have to do something really good
F pressure
A devalue my ideas, work very tense, don’t play with my ideas, don’t praise my ideas, don’t consider them seriously, put myself down
R I don’t create good conditions for me to have creative ideas

C new commission
T they won’t like it
F anxious
A work reluctantly, don’t answer emails, don’t ask questions, imagine what they think or will think, prepare with dread
R I create a lot of resistance around this commission

Intentional Model:

C new commission
T I will learn by doing it
F self-confidence
A make list of things to do, do it (to get a B-), don’t overthink, pretend this is my “dare of the month”
R I build my self-confidence in this process

I am learning from the self-confidence course and I love the concept of the “dare of the day” and be willing to feel any negative emotion that comes.

So, I think I’m lucky to have this commission as it will be a challenge to build my self-confidence. Would you have any feedback or thought to practice to feel even more self-confidence? Thank you!