Change for the right reasons?

Hi Brooke, I have two models before I was wondering if you could check?
C: Aaron and I talk about our future as a couple
T: I feel like I have so much to change about my family background and how I was raised.
F: overwhelm, Shame
A: spin in thoughts, beat myself up, get frustrated with myself and my family when “we” aren’t being who I think we should be
R: Try to change myself and my family?

C: “ “
T: I feel like I have so much to change about myself.
F: overwhelm, shame
A: Beat myself up, spin in thoughts, notice how I’m not like my fiancé
R: Trying to change myself? Not honor who I am?

I listened to your podcast yesterday (amazing btw!) and this morning my wondering if I’m trying to make all of these changes to get to perfection. I have so much self loathing. I bring this all up because I don’t think at times I use SCS in a loving discipline way or any self help in that matter. I use it as a reminder that I have so much to change and beat myself up over it. Where is the beauty in just being who you are but wanting to grow from a positive place and not trying to reach perfection? I guess how do allow myself to be who I am in all the mess, but how to I not beat myself up over it too? Much love Brooke 💕