I’ve the opportunity to present the model (with full credit going to you) to my 40 year old, male engineering boss. It took an hour long car ride to explain the entire concept to a point that he had a light bulb moment and grasped the concept that only HE was responsible for how he feels. The conversation stemmed from him complaining bitterly about his wife (which his complaining had been escalating for the past year). The turn-around in him was profound. Not only is he happier, but so many, including his wife, have noticed.
Now he comes to me about work problems and we work on his thinking. I’m also new to this way of thinking (joined in August) so I want to make sure I’m giving good advice.
He expressed frustration about one of his department heads not hiring the help the department needs. I questioned the thoughts he was having that was making him frustrated. I encouraged him to think of the positive result he wanted out of the situation that my boss actually had control over. Then go backwards up the model to the action, feeling and thought that would need to make that result happen.
A co-worker overheard the conversation and said she believed I was encouraging him to be a door mat. My response (and this is what I want to make sure I am applying correctly) was, “All our results reflect our thinking. If our thinking is negative, our results will be negative. I am encouraging him to find the thoughts that generate the positive feelings he needs to take action about the situation to produce a positive result.”
Is this correct, or can negative feelings (annoyance, frustration, anger) ever get us to take the action that will get us the positive results we really want?