I continue to believe the thought that I can only be happy if I make sure my husband is happy. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and for many years I catered to his needs to keep him from drinking too much and killing himself. When he decided to get sober it became clear to me that I was in a codependent marriage whereby I have been trying to do everything I can to keep him happy and it’s making me miserable. In the process of trying to undo this and start to believe new thoughts I keep getting stuck with the belief that it is my job to make him happy (yes I know that’s impossible).

I realized today that when my Dad left my Mom (I was 18) he told me she just wasn’t making him happy. It clicked that I learned this idea from watching my parents. I know it’s not healthy and not serving me but I just cannot seem to even figure out what thought I need to be thinking in order to be free from this self limiting belief.

The other part of the issue is that my husband is so used to this codependency and also feels it is my job on many levels to fill his bucket as I have been doing it for so many years. For the “C” line I put what he said, exact words.
Unintentional Model
C: My husband says “I need to be with you physically to feel connected.”
T: I have to be with him physically so he feels connected
F: Sick
A: Have the sex and feel like shit about myself but at least he’s connected
R: Husband appears happy for a brief period and I feel deflated.

Intentional Model
C: My husband says “I need to be with you physically to feel connected.”
T:
F: content
A: Kind and loving toward myself and others.
R: living from my inner truth