Your live coaching about the nephews has hit home with me. For me its my son.
My son is 24. Lives a 5 hour drive from me with his girlfriend. He likes history, comedy and painting pictures. He started and did not complete 2 post high school courses. He is smart and kind and gentle and funny. He is loved by the management and staff at his beloved camp where he works in the summer.
Im struggling with my relationship with him because when I phone him and text him he responds only very rarely and in very few words. He spends holidays with his girlfriends family. I miss him and and would like to have more of an equal communication in our relationship and especially the feeling that he enjoys my company (even electronic company). He might think Im judging him because he didnt finish school (Ive always expected my 3 kids to get post secondary education ) and has a low paying job. Maybe that is why he doesnt return my communication. Here are my models of the current and potentially better situation on this issue:
Brooke. Is this enough background? Could you comment on my two models? Especially for my Action line on model 2 – is one text a week the right action to take. I dont want to do too much or too little.
C: my son rarely returns my communication
T: He doesnt need me or want me in his life. Im bugging him. He might be depressed and overdrinking. Does he need my help? Would he ask if he does? I wonder how I can best help him. We dont have a good relationship any more. I miss feeling close to Luke. Have I lost him for good?
F: sad, worried, guilty, desperate, pathetic
A: I send him repeated unanswered texts and phonecalls. I think bad thoughts and feel bad feelings.
A better model:
C: My son rarely returns my communication
T: How nice that Ive raised an independent, self sufficient, smart young man. He lives in a nice city with a women he loves. He is doing just what a young man should be doing – exploring his opportunities and learning what he wants and doesnt want in his life. Its so nice for my husband and I to be empty nesters and have so much time and freedom to focus on ourselves.
F: Proud, free, peaceful, loving
A: Until he responds, send my son only one caring, loving text a week (so im not pestering him, yet he knows Im thinking of him)
R: I am emotionally equipped to handle whatever level of communication from my son that he is willing to give me.