I had an argument with my husband and it has brought up a lot of feelings for me. I always feel very vulnerable when we have conflict. One thing that came up, which he has said before, is that he perceives me to not be as “in to” him as he is to me. I feel judged and inadequate when he says this. Here are some of the models I came up with:
C: Husband makes statement: “I’m not as in to him as he is in to me”
T: I’m a bad wife and person
A: Steel myself to try to “do better,” try to do more of the things he likes, be different than I am
R: This only temporarily works and always backfires. He feels I’m being dishonest. I am not being the authentic me.
C: Conflict with husband
T: He is unhappy with me and might leave us
A: Try to make him happy, essentially “people-please” him trying to do what I think he wants out of a place of fear
R: Efforts backfire, relationship strained, I am not being authentic
T: What if we are not actually supposed to be together?
A: Resist this idea because it’s too scary, don’t have honest communication, try to “patch things up”
R: Dishonest, inauthentic relationship
I realize these thoughts are not serving me. Can you help me proceed from here in finding some new thoughts?