While reading the Results chapter in Self-Coaching 101, I got nervous butterflies in my stomach about the idea of writing down what I really want in life (including 10 year, 50 year goals). I got even more nervous of the idea of sharing them with my husband. So I decided that would be my dare of the day #3. This exercise was hard because many of the things that I’ve wanted since I was young, my husband does not want (a few examples – living overseas, adopting/fostering kids, opening our home up as a place of hospitality for others, etc.). Over the years I have just “shut down” my desires because I figured they would just lead to disappointment if I kept desiring them. But when I am honest with myself, I still really want those things. I’ve also gotten resentful with my husband, thinking he has been the one holding me back from what I want. Thankfully I’ve done a lot of thought work about my husband over the past 2 years, and I know that he 100% loves me and wants me to be happy, its just that he doesn’t want the same things in all areas of life – so again, most days most of me just accepts this is life and the best thing to do is focus on our shared goals (raising our 2 kids, etc.). However, doing this exercise (and also just stopping buffering in general) is raising all this up again. How can I move towards things that I desire in life (making a life worthy of living, being authentic to my true desires) when hubby is not on board with big goals/desires/dreams that I have?
Also, one of my desires is to have a house with a yard for our 5 and 2 year old. Right now we live on the 3rd floor in a condo and our neighbors are constantly coming up to complain about the noise (which I totally understand). My thoughts are that my kids are constrained and they should be free to be kids in their own house, and even better with a yard. However, the other thing that my husband and I decided together is that I want to stay at home with my kids during this time until they are both in school (another 3+ yeas). So I actually just quit my job. How do you do a thought model that balances two seemingly contradictory desires (I want to buy a new home -which we would need more money for- and I want to stay home with the kids). Thanks for your help!