^ crash – buffer – re-group

hi Brooke

I did the first 12 days of December not buffering, then I broke down. I found myself slipping in to depression, which is common for me at Xmas. I began buffering a lot and the fact that I was failing to allow urges got me down further.

However on the positive side, I kept up my daily thought downloads and began to see my patterns in glorious technicolour. My old beliefs on being undeserving, unlovable..etc. I really need to re-model these before 2018 so I can start the year clean. I wrote down my life story containing all my old beliefs and tomorrow I am taking out the trash with a counsellor, preparatory to re-modelling every single belief.

This morning I was down at beautiful Bondi beach, looking out over the ocean, still managing to feel depressed. I decided to choose to uplift myself and not waste all the goodness. To my astonishment, it worked. That’s twice in two days!

I have done some models on Xmas as an accident blackspot. Here is one for your observations please:

C: Xmas
T: I hate xmas and I’m getting depressed
F: sad, lonely, failure, depressed
A: curl up in tight ball (seems to be my first response to nearly everything!)
R: feel still more lonely

T: I feel compassion for the little me who feels isolated and unloveable
F: compassion, softness, concern, care, spacious acceptance
A: focus on compassion and uplifting my spirit
R: I am learning how to think myself better when I’m in negative state