My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years and we have been working through couples therapy for more than a year now. 

Earlier this year, we had a disclosure meeting where he revealed behaviors I knew almost nothing about that had started prior to our marriage. He has made major changes now, and I have chosen to stay and try to create a new relationship. However, I keep coming back to this feeling of pressure that I am the one who has to open up more, to create more connection, to be more vulnerable.

In June, he violated an inner circle behavior, that is something that is strictly off limits for him in recovery. I thought I worked through that, but in a conversation this week he expressed his frustration with the speed of this process and said that I am not getting the support I need to heal my trauma. I don’t know if that is true, but I do know that I’m struggling to feel safe to be vulnerable with him again. The thoughts I need to create this result have seemed elusive and I feel a bit lost or stuck in this loop. I know I am a thought away from where I want to be, but I can’t seem to access it. I want to feel connected, but I don’t want to experience that feeling of betrayal again.

I’m grateful for you helping me notice what I haven’t yet been able to see in my own thinking. 

Thank you!