Hi,
I am 46. My dad died on May 11, and I did not saw him physically from Jan to May. He was not in great shape, he could have lived a few years more (death was not particularly expected at that time) and at the same, he got surgeries last November and December, and was getting weaker. So the death was not a complete surprise either (it was a possibility at any time in my mind, but he could have lived a few years more). When it happened, he was in hospital and was not supposed to get up alone but he did in the night, fell next to his bed and died due to weakness. Was found not long after.
I live 1000km away from him with my family (husband + 2 children + 1 at the university). I had taken flights ticket to go visit him (+ my mother) with my children in June, but he died earlier. I had thought about the possibility that he could die before, but was expecting it would not happen and he could see all of us before.
I have prioritized other activities (full time job / part of Certification program / holidays with my family)
Other possibility that could have happened also is that we would have gone to their house but he would have been in hospital and only I could have visited him (children not allowed due to Covid – that is what happened around Christmas and since then, he went several times to the hospital)

I am not sure about the R for my model. Even for the feeling, initially, I had put “sadness” as I feel sadness currently, but not sure from this model. “Guilt” sounds more logical.
Can you share your view on the below model please ? Thanks in advance.

My model is:
C. Not visited my father from Jan to May when he died
T. I should have visited (should have prioritized that)
F. Guilt
A. Spin in my head about when I could have gone / what were my reasons not to go, blame myself, not considering how often I called him and nice discussions we had, not giving me credit for my reasons to prioritize other activities/take tickets in June despite the risk, stay past focused/argue with reality
R. Not giving me the opportunity to be fully in the present and future?
Not processing grief ?