Can this please remain anonymous.

I don’t know where to go with this. I have made so much progress since January, have not had a drink since December 2016 (wine was my buffer), have been managing my thoughts and emotions well and am not quick to anger like I was before starting SCS. I am working on my thoughts around my body (I am not overweight but have a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia). I thought I set one goal in January (no drinking) but that was easy to achieve and by end Jan I had zero desire for alcohol. So Feb I ended up with 2 goals one personal one professional. Personal: I no longer obsess about my body, I am fit, lean and healthy. Professional: I have grown my business to have 20 clients who have financially committed to work with me in 2018. While setting these goals I had a voice in my mind that I needed to work on my relationship…but I didn’t listen.
I am married and we have 2 children aged 2 and 4. We are very different people in many ways, I don’t drink, am vegan, love to get up early, exercise, go out for morning coffee, I don’t like to be out or up late, I prefer riding the bike with the kids and going to the beach over going out to dinner with friends. I am introverted in many ways although most people would say otherwise. My husband is very social, loves going out late, loves wine, smokes and occasionally has marijuana and cocaine. When we got married we discussed this. Before marriage we both partied a bit, he more than me, but it was part of our life. I wanted to know that the partying would not be a part of our life when we had kids. He said marijuana would always be around but very infrequently and not in front of children and that he would stop cocaine. He turns 40 this year. Cocaine is still around, not often, maybe 6 times per year…then again I don’t really know. He drinks a lot, likes to binge, his works in an industry and has a friendship group where there is a lot of drinking, eating and drug use.
What we do share is a love of good coffee, travel, our kids and each other. We are good friends and love planning our life and being together. Its also good that he likes to sleep in, I can go to the gym while he is in bed with the kids! And he can see mates late at night and I am very happy at home! Win win!
But where we differ is becoming a challenge for me – if we didn’t have kids it wouldn’t be a problem – but we do.
So now, an example of what is becoming an issue:
C (Facts only):
– Friday night, 7.15pm kids in bed asleep and I retreat upstairs (I had known for about 2 weeks that tonight my husband was having a few friends over for drinks and a bbq)
– Approx. 12-15 men, I know most of them, a few I don’t
– Alcohol consumed by majority of guests and some consume marijuana and cocaine
– Loud, smell of cigarettes wafting upstairs
– I come downstairs to get laundry and find 3 men, 2 of whom I do not know, in the basement of the house and my husband outside with about 10 other men – all seem very drunk and loud – I feel uncomfortable and ask that he get the people out of the basement
– Noise finishes at approx. 2am
– Wake up – house smells like red wine, mess everywhere
– I go to the gym
– Get home and husband has cleaned up, kids are on screens, he is hungover on couch
T:
– I want to feel like my home is a safe secure sanctuary – last night it didn’t feel like that and I felt uncomfortable in my home.
– I do not want drugs in my home, principally because there are children here but also because I don’t want them in my space – if the children had woken up and come downstairs seeing this behaviour is not in my view appropriate.
F:
– I don’t actually feel much – this has been something that happens a few times a year every year
– I know my husband thinks I am ridiculous not liking it and when I raise it he gets angry
– I just feel defeated and sad (which is different as I am usually one to get angry)
A:
– I avoid (go to gym) then feel like a bad mum for leaving kids at home in front of TV while dad is hungover
– I think about a new way to approach this – how I might be able to encourage husband to see how this isn’t a good thing in our home. In past being pissed off hasn’t worked.
– 1 day later I ask if we could make a decision that there are no drugs in the house consumed or stored (noting it isn’t about controlling his behavior, I don’t care what he wants to do outside of the home, I just don’t want it in the home). He gets very frustrated and says no, its not a problem, I am being ridiculous, he won’t compromise. I then suggest only marijuana (I can handle that, he smokes a small amount now and again) and again he gets frustrated and says no, if a guest wants to have a ‘line in the garage’ he will not ‘say no, it’s not a problem.’ He also suggests that I am saying I don’t trust him, and that as his wife I should trust him and that he is offended by my lack of trust. I end the conversation, he is angry and it isn’t going anywhere
So the cycle continues – his responses to the suggestion create:
C: He won’t negotiate
T: Where can I go from here?
F: Defeated
A: Ask Brooke page
R: …. Awaiting salvation of Brooke!!

I know my T F A are all over the place there.
I hear you, you ask how do you want to feel?
I want to feel confident in the fact that I am a mother who ensures a safe home environment and is a good role model to her children. I know! I do this already, and I cant control other people (husband).
So what, I just let it go, its 6 times per year, who cares, go for a bike ride with the kids in the morning and get on with those 20 clients and loving your body right?
Maybe I just worked this out…