Dear Brooke/Coaches,

In starting my March homework something that is often an issue for me is becoming more so. My son is making some major changes in his life, reluctantly and with a lot of complaining. As I get better at seeing my own victim mode in action, it’s becoming so clear in my loved ones, too. I feel compelled to “help” them and thoughts of that continually come up as I am doing my homework. “This would be so helpful for him/her.” I know the work is mine alone. The benefit for others comes from me doing my own work….on me. Yes, these thoughts continue to interrupt. I know there’s a model in here somewhere, but I’m not finding an effective one that I can really believe. Here’s one:

C – Son moving

T – He’s indulging in self-pity that I’ve taught him.

F – guilt

A – Try to coach him, or toss comments about indulgent behavior. (NOT helpful)

R – I am indulging in self-pity about what I think I taught him or didn’t teach him. (Victim)

I know the intentional model would be about taking responsibility for my own thoughts and feels. And I still hear “But, I NEED to HELP him!!”

Hot tips? I know I can’t be the first person to struggle with this. I know it’s a manual. I’m apparently scared to see my way out of it.

Sandra