Everything was great and then it wasn’t

I have been in SCS for a little over 2 weeks, I LOVE it. My life has changed so much in a short space of time.

The biggest thing for me has been the process of decluttering. I mean, I disposed of items from 26 years ago!! I also let go of some of my younger brothers items. He passed from suicide 9 years ago outside my home, he was 19, I was 28. His old glasses that literally had fur growing on the legs you put behind your ears (sorry I don’t wear glasses) had to go. Some of the things from his funeral went and also the post-mortem documents which caught my eye and had me in tears.

Regardless, I felt ok. I felt as though I wasn’t willing to hang onto anything of his that I could not love on or take care of. I kept a couple of beautiful cards he wrote to me, his chain, ring and some pictures which I intend to frame and hang on the wall with a big frame that says LOVE! I want to love everything in my space.

I let go of old journals, my son’s baby clothes from 8 years ago. All the things. I didn’t do this over 30 days, it happened over a space of week. At the same time, I’m doing Monday Hour One and 2k for 2k with Stacey Smith. Last week I was like Superwoman. I loved the way I felt. It was the first time in my life I had followed a schedule, had a consistently clean home and was able to spend a full Saturday with my boy WITHOUT the laptop open. I even lost 2lbs and got back under 160lbs, so just 8lbs off the weight I was before COVID.

Then this week came in and just like that I crashed and burned. Monday was the worst. I was so anxious, tired, my energy was low, I couldn’t even do my usual work out. I had 2 bars of chocolate in a row just now, although the energy isn’t as heavy as it was a couple of days ago. How can I get back into alignment. Life felt so good last week and the exact opposite this week.

I’m trying not to be too hard on myself, I realize with all the different activity my brain might have been having several heart attacks which is why I felt like I could not move on Monday. I would love to know how to manage this? I want to get back on track. I want last week’s feeling to be my new normal. Am I asking for too much too soon? Did I do too much too soon? I would love some support with this. I appreciate you.