I had a little incident involving a gentleman from a particular race. I am safe. But the incident was a little bit scary. Now, every time I am interacting with any male from this race – I can feel the fear going up from my chest to my throat. I am aware enough and watching myself feeling scared. But the heart rate was going up and the throat feels strangled. I am aware the brain’s job is to keep me safe – survival mode. and I think the only way forward is to acknowledge the brain.

The recent situation is totally unrelated to the incident. I was just booking a motel for next weekend. And the person who picked up the phone was extremely polite and professional, but I could tell from his accent that he is from the same race as the man I had a little incident with.

C- I made a phone call to book motel for my parents
T- I am not feeling safe to book a motel where the receptionist is of this particular race
F- fear
A- I recalled the previous incident. I blamed the man of the previous incident for causing me this trigger. I wanted to change motel even though this was a good location and a good price. I resisted the fear – my whole body is tensing
R- I am creating my own anxiety

I did follow through with the booking. I must have interrupted the model or something.

C- I made a phone call to book a motel for my parents
T- You are being silly, just book the motel
F- courageous
A- booked motel
R- I booked the motel

Interesting though, writing it down makes it clear that I am not acknowledging the fear, I was resisting, suppressing my fear. I was still putting myself down.

What does self compassion, allowing, processing look like?

C- as above
T- ok, I am scared and it’s ok
F- calm ( I can feel the heart racing, the throat tightening and then it rippled out from my heart)
A- giving myself a hug
R- I’m making sure I’m ok

Thanks coaches.