I’ve recently moved into a shared flat with a friend I’ve known for about 4 years. We’re pretty close and I’ve enjoyed living together but it’s coming up to 6 months and she’s broached the subject of moving out and how this was something we always agreed upon as she’s lived in this flat for over 7 years and wants a change. From my perspective, me moving in was because another housemate handed his notice in and my friend either had to decide to renew contract or move out when we had only just started looking and had nowhere lined up. Long story short, we’ve just had a big, emotional discussion where she’s accused me of going back on my word as I said I didn’t want to move out yet and she does because she hates our flat and our other housemate. She accused me of putting money before our friendship (she thinks I can afford to move out and I know it’s a choice but i don’t want to incur the costs of moving, I’m choosing to spend my money on you which I think is more worthwhile!) and I don’t want to pay for it when i’m already repaying other debts. Sorry, I’ve realised this is very much a dramatic story and I’ve been trying to think about it in a way that is more balanced but we’re going to sleep on it and she’s said if I screw her over (her words) and don’t move then I’m going back on my word and she doesn’t think we can be friends. I know she’s entitled to her opinion but i don’t want to lose her friendship yet don’t want to feel forced into moving. I feel a lot of guilt and shame around this which I’m trying to allow but don’t quite know how to process. I know she’s allowed to blame me/end our friendship and that it’s my thoughts about it but I don’t know how to create a bridging thought to make myself feel better as it feels quite bad right now!

Any help with my models would be appreciated, thank you.

C- Friend
T – If I don’t agree to move out our friendship is over
F – guilty, upset
A – cry! Talk about it with people. Consider moving
R – lose friendship.

C – friend
T – (I’m struggling with this)
F – i want to feel acceptance but guilt and sadness keep popping up!
A – tell my friend I love her but I don’t want to move
R – live in same flat (but potentially lose friendship?)

Is this the thought i need to think about that essentially she’s allowed to do what she wants/blame me if she wants? i suppose i struggle with having no control and either way I lose – i feel forced to move or i don’t and lose a friendship.

god, just realised how long and dramatic this is I’m sorry and thanks in advance for your help!