I am a single parent of a 5 year old and on Thursday and Friday evenings she is with her dad. This has been the schedule for the last 3 years or so. In the last few months I broke up with my boyfriend who I was with the last two years and he moved out. Since then I am constantly fighting my mind/forcing myself (or failing) to do what I have committed to. During the week when I have my daughter, she gets to sleep around 8:30pm and I want to sit down and do SCS or study for a certification I have set as my goal but I end up just ‘wandering’ the house or buffering with instagram or worse, signing up for some online dating thing and then canceling it again (have done it twice) because I am nowhere ready to be in another relationship.
Thursday and Friday evenings where I have the opportunity to get out of work and do ANYTHING, I feel completely lost/unmotivated to do the things I WANT to do. If a coworker suggests happy hour by default I am agreeing, mostly to avoid fighting with myself at home. Almost like when I don’t have my daughter and nobody is around, I am battling myself on every thing I need to accomplish – even making breakfast for myself this morning was a battle that I somehow won!!
I am pretty new to the program and have not dedicated enough time this month to the curriculum, though what I have been doing has been helping me at least not go off the deep end. I want to be there 100%. I set up my monthly 10 minute tutoring session for tomorrow and want to be prepared but am not sure what I do with all of this.