I have a colleague that complains about her husbands behaviour and the result often, is her being reduced to tears while at work. I’ve noticed she only brings it up in front of certain people which I interpret that as a ploy for sympathy.
While I sympathize with her to the extent that no one should be on the receiving end of verbal abuse, where I get frustrated is, in the past she has shared stories of her speaking in the exact same manner to him.
Part of me wants to be sympathetic. Part of me wants to say, how long did you think you could be mean to him before he turned the table. And part of me wants to mind my own business.
Their relationship has absolutely zero influence on my life! I work with her but we aren’t friends. I have no desire for a relationship with the husband. I never see them together, yet every time I think about it my thoughts make me feel super agitated.
I would apprecIate help working through my current model and also creating a new one

C – colleague says words about her husband
T – she is being a victim and doesn’t realize her part in the situation
F – angry, frustrated, self-righteous
A – run imaginary conversations in my head where I remind her of her past bad behaviour
R – I remain agitated, she still complains, nothing changes, I still feel like I see her situation clearly and she doesn’t