Help dealing with past/victim mentality

Hi Brooke

I have realised the reason I overate or buffer with food is because I want to feel better. I have started doing the how to feel better masterclass which helped me and then I went into emotional childhood a couple of days ago when I found out my friend was getting married so I was the only single one left in our group then I felt bad for feeling that way and I’ve been overeating since.

I asked last month the question about where/how to start. I tell myself a story about my past how it was full of suffering, pain and I’ll never be happy. My parents let me down and I’m too blame as well like I should have known what brother did to me was wrong. Other thoughts like bad always happens to me so I’ll never find happiness and love. I do believe the thought my past made me stronger, driven and resilient but I still think my past was full of pain. I keep crying when I do the feel better work like when I did the problem reveal or I did TDL yesterday on what I think of my past and then I tried to think how I wanted to think of my past so it served me better. I’m trying to be future focussed and stop thinking myself as a victim but I feel like the more I try to work through it the more I overeat and feel bad. I don’t know if I’m doing this right, is it okay to be crying or does that mean your reacting instead of feeling?

One of the things I want to have in my future is a relationship but I wanted to check do you have to learn how to feel happy alone first so you don’t think your happiness is dependent on others or is ok to be trying to find a relationship whilst you work on feeling better and learning your happiness isn’t dependent on external things and you can be happy no matter what, that is your choice and you have to power to be happy regardless of whether your married or not.

I also wanted to ask about my parents as I live with them and I don’t want to hurt them by telling them about what my brother did but I feel a lot of shame about it. I feel dirty, damaged, tainted and broken. I don’t know if I want to tell them as I know it would break their heart but then I also wonder if they would be to support me and understand me better if they knew. What it help me feel less ashamed if I tell them?