Help with model/feeling frozen, numb and depressed!!!!…..

Hi Brooke,
I hope you are doing well.
So, I need help with this model……
C – past circumstance, cannot pinpoint
T – I will never feel the yucky emotions again. I will not feel horrible. I will freeze myself and just be peaceful and not experience any strong emotions. I will not experience sudden jerks of unhappy/very happy emotions because it leaves me seriously bitter. I will stay neutral all day everyday without any contrasting emotions so that i dont feel this horrible again.
F – Frozen, numb, big time buffer, feeling not alive at all
A – depressed….
R – Live a really difficult life…..

Could you please suggest a solution for it or anything that makes it better???
THank you so much. XOXO