Help with the C in the Model for a self-directed activity

Hi! I’m having trouble figuring out what the C would be here, since the C should be something beyond my control. If I am having thoughts that are leading to procrastinating, but the activity I am putting off is completely self-directed, then what is the true C?

C – ?[I want to work on improving my art skills]
T – I will never be good at this/it’s too hard.
F – Anxiety
A – Avoid, procrastinate, numb
R – Practice doesn’t happen, work doesn’t get done, skills don’t improve