Homework July: list your current optional thoughts from your past

Hello Brooke! My name is Chloe and I just joined SCS this month. I am really excited to be here!

I started to do the homework and I am already struggling a little: when re-reading the list of my “recycled thoughts” , it seems like a long list of shortcomings. Ex: I am not really competent at my job (they will find out…), I am not a good friend, I am weak emotionally, I have too much shame to feel able to change, etc. It is true that these statements are always in the back of my head, just rotating to the front depending on the situation, but when I look at your instructions, it seems more about what other people would have imprinted on me?
Even done wrong, this work made me realized that my current story about my past is so radically different from the one I was telling myself 10 years ago, and even more from the one 20 years ago! In some good ways, like my Dad is no more one of the villains 😉 and I seem to have lost the resentment I had toward an abusive ex-boyfriend! But now, I found myself being the biggest villain…

I hit the same type of problem with the letter to past self. I realized I was just writing to my past self what to do and NOT do, and asking questions such as “why did you do that, why did you want that?”, in brief not very compassionate.

Is there another exercise I could do to help me do this homework, to try to “triage” these feelings first, or is that normal?

Thank you!