Hostile home!

Hi coaches,

Thank you for providing thoughts for the step family with the grumpy husband.

I have a similar problem in our home with my partner upset with my kids because he doesn’t believe he gets enough time with his.

His frustrations are taken out on my kids who in turn become more frustrated with him and the energy in the home becomes and a very hostile place.

It is particularly bad on weekends when his kids are around. It’s almost like he seething in comparison. But our lifestyle isn’t conducive to more time with his kids and his anger and animosity is directed at me and mine.

Life for my kids at their dad’s is also very negative. Where they live 50/50.

I hoped that my home would be a place where they can thrive and feel loved and wanted.

Instead, it has become a place that both my kids want to leave and move away from.

Working with scholars I have discovered my triggers with my partner etc. And I am seeing my partner’s triggers and models too.

He is really struggling with my son who he believes is being totally selfish. My son finds my partner lazy and contradictory.
Both are correct.

This came to a head last night with partner texting me he can’t stand being in house with son. My daughter saw the text and got angry at her brother. Hostility in the home continues to erupt.

C – Partner wrote text about son.
T – you are so judgemental
F – angry with him, sad for son
A – Get defensive and try to explain why son is the way he is. Become agitated with son and say hurtful things to him.
R – I am being judgemental.

I realize that I need to show up as the best version of my self for everyone.

C – partner says words about son.
T- There is something deep and upsetting him.
F- compassion
A – calmly ask questions and listen to partner with compassion. Attempt to communicate with son with compassion and understanding.
R – discover how hurt and broken I am.

Working on it… would appreciate your feedback.

Thank you!!