This is my first month of self coaching scholars and I am so excited to eat it all up. I have been listening to Brooke’s podcasts for only a month now and I feel so much change already in my thinking. I am so proud of the progress I’ve been making! Too proud. Because just when I think, “Dang, I got this!” BAM something happens and I revert back to my old thinking. I keep hearing Brooke and Jody Moore talk about how our brains are pretty much hard-wired by the time we’re 35, and even though I’m only 41 and I totally believe I can change my mind, the work is real! What is it going to take to think things naturally and internally? Will it ever happen or will it always be a struggle, especially when certain situations trigger certain responses and thoughts?
Here’s a specific, completely ridiculous example. I tend to think of my husband as a critical person. (I realize that I’m being critical of him being critical.) It is difficult not to see it sometimes and I don’t want these thoughts damaging our relationship.(and I really don’t want my kids growing up to have a critical mindset) Thankfully this month is all about relationships.
My husband really is the greatest guy and I feel bad even mentioning any “dirt” on him here, but sometimes I get so frustrated when I hear him nit-pick, especially when it really doesn’t even matter! Like last night we were at my son’s ultimate frisbee game and there was this girl playing for our team and he says “no offense, but what does she even do out there. She just runs back and forth.” Offense taken. lol. She’s out there because if she wasn’t, one more boy, perhaps OURS could have been cut from the team! All of the girls are an integral part of the team and the reason she just runs back and forth is because the boys only throw to the boys. All this is going through my head, but I say nothing. (It’s part of my manual just to be quiet when I disagree so I don’t create contention.)
This is just one teensy example. It happens multiple times daily. He’ll mention people who have gained weight, if my daughter’s hair is frizzy, if my son has acne, if my bathroom sink is full of hair, etc, etc, etc. I am trying so hard to “just let him be there to love” (especially because in every other way, he is AMAZING. Why do these little flaws block me from seeing all the good he does??!) and I’m frustrated with myself that it’s harder than I think it should be. I would be mortified if he even knew how deeply it bothers me because I know he loves me so much. I feel like a fraud sometimes wanting to be a life coach when the person I care about most in the world knows all my flaws and knows that I sometimes am trying to change him. How can I just love him for who he is and let go of trying to make him (something that is impossible!) less critical?