This is month 5 for me. I’m building my skills with the models. I’m starting to see alternatives that weren’t apparent before today. I’m understanding on successively deeper levels what it means that I (underlined) can choose what I want to feel *consciously*, and I’m starting to viscerally feel a little at a time the extraordinary possibility this translates into for really crafting my life. I’m getting the power that this is, that through this process I (underlined) am the powerful thing, and whatever I create is the effect of that. These beliefs are sparks that are slowly growing. I think a switch flicked on with the beliefs that I can have my preferences without having to explain them, and that a litmus for the choices I make is simply to ask myself, is this what I want, and do I like the reason I want it? I’m not totally there yet, but I’m stepping that way. My question today is to help me with building my skills.

I want to increase my talent for believing hard, on purpose and big. I want to be more awake to myself and how I’m creating the facets of my life. I’M creating my life. With my thoughts.

Here’s today’s model. My questions:
– What else might go on the R line that I’m not seeing?
– What other T can I play with?

C: Doing the thought download
T: I wonder if I’m even doing this right
F: Uncertain
A: After I finish the download I pause. Distracted. Second guess myself and don’t trust my decisions as I think about doing the activities I value and want to do today. Unconsciously self-critical. Stopped by “need” for perfection. Search for relief and start noticing everything and feel pulled in many directions.
R: Don’t get done what I value. Controlling

C: Doing the thought download
T: I’m learning as I go
F: Empowered. (Maybe more confident.)
A: Trust myself more. More focused on engaging with the activities I value. Take more actions on the plan for my day. Not so engaged with imperfections around me, let things be as they are more.
R: Calmer. More at ease. Less controlling. (Occurs to me, what’s on the other side of controlling besides “less controlling?” What intentional result is THAT for me create? OH! TRUSTING!!! But there’s something else there too … something about letting it be and standing to the side curiously observing to see what happens. There’s other words I haven’t stumbled over or recognized yet. Throw bones into the mix if you will. My thoughts can take me to control enthusiast.