I had a tremendous month financially (far beyond what I expected).. It was a month of making shit t up, serving my customer and the world at large.

It was also a month of looking at all the shit that covid has helped reveal in my life, and I really took it on.

All in the spirit of my problems aren’t new they are now being revealed.

This has led to some revealing In many aspects of my life.

The first is with my husband. He is a good man, a great dad. I’ve tried to have him come along this journey of self discovery but he isn’t interested in my way. It isn’t that he is against it. He seems to like to stay the same.

So why is it a problem? He sees me working diligently to pivot, to come out of this time better than I went in.

He sees me changing.

He also says words that I think mean that he doesn’t want me to grow too fast, to stray too far forward.

This is not a new pattern for me. This happened with my first husband and in my family growing up. I interpreted words as being “yes, go and do but don’t show us up, don’t be better than us and make us feel less than”.

So that is the thought.

T – don’t make people feel bad.
also

So all my life I have found under the radar ways of success so that others don’t feel bad. Or at least I don’t feel bad because I think they don’t notice so then they don’t feel bad.

I realize how crazy that may sound.

But I am at a point in my career and my life where I see that this under the radar way of being is not effective, and some people may feel uncomfortable with my success.

I’m seeing how it has had me stuck at my multiple 6 figure revenue but not cracking 7 figures.

It has also prevented me from getting what I REALLY want.

I’ve sat with this a lot.

The A is that I do what I Love
The F is I love doing what I am doing
The R is that I earn 7 figures this year,
The T is Do me.

This is all intertwined….I can’t see/feel the R for my husband and me that I can take complete accountability for. My figuring is if I am leading my best life that is what I can be accountable for. I would like more connection no matter what, but that doesn’t seem like an R.

Yes, I realize there are probably a few models in the model like a set of Russian dolls.

Thanks for your feedback.
Btw, I’ve been in scholars since Jan and have had such tremendous progress so far and am excited to explore this. It feels like a big one 🙂

(I hope there aren’t too many typos)