Husband and toddler

Recently, our toddler is doing toddler things : asking “why” for everything, refusing to do what we ask him to do or wanting to do everything by himself (and getting frustrated when he fails).

I have been noticing some thoughts I have been thinking (even though I know intellectually that this is what toddlers do and it’ll pass) :

– I am tired of all this behavior
– If he just let me help him to get dressed, we wouldn’t lose so much time every morning

I feel irritated and I am not showing up like I would like to : a patient mother, proud about him growing up, encouraging.

On the other hand, my husband is every day criticizing me, my energy and the way I raise our kids. So I started to think that he is not taking his responsibility on parenting by blaming me and acting like he is a victim of my defaulting parenting skills.

Then I feel angry and disconnect from him (by giving him silent treatment and passive-agressive communication).

There are maybe two (or more) models there. I want to take my full emotional responsibility but I am stuck in blaming my husband on blaming me.

Could you help me figure out what I am missing here ?