Husband in accident – trying to work through feelings/sense of overwhelm


Right before Thanksgiving my husband was in bad bicycle accident and has a broken humerus (plus a lot of cuts, bruises, etc) and has to keep his arm immobile for 6 weeks – which means he can’t work, because his job involves physical labor. I went into crisis management mode for the first few days, and got us through to the appt with the surgeon, then Thanksgiving, etc… but now I am feeling totally overwhelmed and having tons of thoughts and feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, shame, etc…

Instead of thinking my intentional thoughts:
I’ve got this
I know what I’m doing
I can do this

I’m going back to old thoughts of:
I can’t handle this
No one can help me because of the pandemic
I’m not good enough
I’m a bad partner because I’m making this about me

I have a lot of thoughts about this:

C – My husband had an accident and broke his arm
T – I need to help him do everything

T – Everything I do is not enough

T – I can’t make him happy, I can’t fix this

T – I can’t handle taking care of him, doing all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving him into Manhattan for doctor’s appts (and there’s no parking, so I have to drive around for 2 hours), and handle my work and also working out and taking care of me

Which then morphed into…
T – I should be able to handle this, I’m being a baby

And then…
T – I shouldn’t make this about me

Am I covering up the fact that I’m irritated that I have to put him first (putting him ahead of my priorities)? Which feels…shameful to me. That’s not what you do – if your partner needs help, you help them, you put them first. I feel self-centered and like a bad partner when I think that.

Also – I think I *should* be able to do it all – take care of him, do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc, and get my work done and work out and take care of myself.

I *should* be able to do it all and not bitch about it or feel overwhelmed.

So I tried to do a model:

C – My husband had an accident and broke his arm
T – I shouldn’t make this about me
F – shame
A – tell myself I’m a bad person/bad partner, that I should put him first, that I should be able to handle this
R – I make this about me ???? (I don’t like that AT ALL and it doesn’t feel quite right, because I am actually helping him a lot, even if I’m not giving myself credit for it – which is an old habit of mine.)

My old thoughts that come up whenever I feel overwhelmed are rearing up: I can’t handle this, that I’m a bad person because I’m worried about what this means to me/about me, rather than just focusing on taking care of my husband during this.

I know there is a LOT going on in here, but I’d love some coaching on how to work through this.

Thank you!