My husband drinks alcohol, sometimes to excess and I feel stressed, angry and helpless when he is indulging. It is putting a strain on our relationship and we don’t connect as a result. His over-drinking has started causing medical problems, but he doesn’t think about it when he is drinking. He is talking to a therapist which helps little. I know its my manual for him that I want him to stop it completely as it is not good for his body, but I cant drop it and help him so he can feel good about himself without drinking . He says he drinks
to switch off from work and daily stresses, maybe I am part of the problem.

C- He is drinking alcohol
T -He is not looking after is body, he will get ill
F- Annoyed angry disgust
A- I show anger, or reject him, or become distant, or denial
R- I feel guilty I am not a supportive wife, poor relationship, which probably makes him drink more

Intentional Model:

C- he is drinking alcohol,
T- he is going to get ill
F- compassion
A- I move closer to him, sit with him, show love
R- Better relationship and possibly less drinking episodes.

I know I can choose the intentional model, but I can’t feel compassion when he is drinking.
How do I get out of this mindset and start helping him. He is a kind and loving all the other times.