I’m new to Scholars and practicing the model as much as a can. My wonderful little brain is confusing me greatly right now though. Please help.

My husband started a new job in the spring and has mentioned his female coworker (who is also married) a couple times. Saying things like “You would like her”, “You guys would get along great”, “We should have her an her husband over.” Because of my past I started feeling jealous THINKING “this is weird”, “does he have a crush on her?”, “He never talks about other women, why now?”

Putting my model practice into place, I immediately choose to start thinking “yeah ,why not have some new friends”, “If he intended to cheat on me then why would he be wanting to invite her and her husband over?”, “I can trust him”, “He’s never done anything to make me not trust him.” I know my husband loves me and so I didn’t really think anything more of the jealousy thoughts until now.

The last couple weeks he has mentioned her a few times. She is moving to another location at work so he brought in some pastries (for everyone) for her last day. After conversing back and forth with him for a few minutes and remembering that he wanted to invite her and her husband over, I asked “Did you guys exchange numbers?” He said yes and then said that at the time they exchanged numbers (not sure when) she had “Sent him a song to an artist they were talking about.” My first thought was “That’s weird, she’s sending him songs? Is there something more?” Then of course I get curious and I want to ask him more questions. “Do you guys text back and forth?” He said no and that there has only been 2 or 3 sent back and forth. He started scrolling through his phone and said he was willing to pull up the texts to prove it. I told him that wasn’t necessary and I believe what he is saying is true. He was very forth coming. We both were feeling uncomfortable at that point. He voluntarily said there has been no flirting, no touching, nothing of the sort. Again, I chose to believe him because I have more evidence of him not cheating on me than cheating on me (none). It’s also worth noting that in the past I would have FREAKED out and grabbed his phone doesn’t even matter the circumstance, so that’s probably why he immediately started looking through his phone to prove the conversation between them.

But now….(the next day) I’m feeling unsure and like there’s more to this story. I’m thinking I want to ask him more questions and find out how he really feels about her? I’m wondering things like….”Does he have a crush on her? If so, then what? Is he telling me the whole truth? Does he want to experiment in our marriage but doesn’t want to tell me?” We’ve never talked about polyamorous or monogamy and I can’t figure out why my brain wants to ask him all these questions. Or why I’m even wanting them to be answered in the first place when I know they don’t serve me. Is it just noise or should I actually be questioning my husband about these things in case there’s something more we need to get on the same page about (as far as what we both want)?

Anything to help untangle this ball of confusion is greatly appreciated.