So I’m dating a new guy, after years of not dating anyone. We are intimate all the time. It’s great fun! I’ve been doing thought work for awhile now, and thought I was pretty confident in myself and my “beauty” as a single woman. But then… here comes a man in my life and somehow that confidence took a back seat. Not his fault. My insecurities are coming up through the vents. During a conversation, he referred to a woman as “chubby”,”kinda meh”,and not the right look for a music video he was producing. Well… my first thought was– What the hell am I? So you think I’m “meh”? I’m a bigger woman, chunky but funky and curvy for days. But now I see he thinks some bigger women are “chubby” and not so attractive. I took it all very personally. I’m pretty sure I’m PMSing, but regardless, how do I keep from letting my brain go there. And how can it NOT BE TRUE that he sees me that way? It HAS to be true. I could use some help with an intentional thought. Here in my unintentional model, below.
C:Guy I’m seeing, referred to another woman as “chubby” and “kinda meh”
T: He thinks I’m unattractive, because I am a bigger woman.
F: unworthy, shame, less than—- let’s go with SHAME
A: ruminate on my size and what ways in which I am physically unattractive, act differently/ inauthentically towards guy (irritable/ passive aggressive) and push him away–in essence…HIDE, basically present myself as wholly insecure, stew in resentment towards guy, buffer with eating
R: I create the result of making my “presence” unattractive and not nice to be around. I create the evidence to prove my thought.