Insecure and inadequate


Last Friday I was having a conversation with my boyfriend in which I jokingly (but actually deep down is something I really want) said “can I just move in with you” and then he said “As long as [your cat] plays nice with my couch”

Immediately I noticed my thoughts were “this is going to be a problem”
F: hopeless
A: think of all the ways it’ll be a problem
R: I make a big problem for the whole weekend

C: I said “can I just move in with you”
T: this is getting really serious
F: fear
A: pick fights, pull away, don’t share, panic attacks, read into my boyfriends words, judge him, judge myself, worry what he’ll think of me, worry I can’t do relationships, worry I’m not good enough, imagine breaking up with him,
R: I sabotage myself and create distance in our relationship

Is this really one whole model? I think I’ve been in this model for the past four days.

Here’s another one I noticed which may be embedded in the one directly above on the A line

C: bf staying over for the first time. Vacuum broke
T: he’s going to think I’m a disgusting pig
F: inadequate
A: buy a vacuum off budget. Spend too much time cleaning that I was late for his arrival. Worry about what he’s thinking while he’s over. Shame myself for how I live and who I am.
R: I make everything about myself wrong and I’m not present to him

Do these look right to you?