Is there ever a point where I actually become friends with my brain?

I’m just so tired of always being in a rut, a funk, randomly getting emotional. I feel like I’ve invested so many thousands and so much time into my own healing, I self-coach everyday, I try to get to know myself more and more everyday, but damn. When will I actually become friends with my brain?

I just feel like nothing is working in a lasting and sustainable way. I understand that life is 50/50 so why is it that I see so many others seemingly experiencing life better than I am? I look at people that inspire me like Brooke, some of my favorite artists and content creators and I can’t help but feel like there must be something I’m not seeing.

Am I just not doing this coaching thing right? It’s hard for me to want to keep going with all this inner work. I’m exhausted. I’m not having fun in my process. Indecision, confusion, and beating myself up is coming up for me all the time. I want to actually shift this. I want this identity of the victim to die already. I just don’t even know where to begin anymore.

I feel like I’m depressed or just heavy. I feel like a fraud with my clients that I’ve helped so much but can’t seem to help myself in a long-lasting way. I don’t get it. I’m crying almost everyday and am starting to wonder if something is genuinely wrong with me.