I’d love some help with this model

C – thinking about dad (specifically doing TDL as part of relationship homework)
T – he’s hard to talk to
F – ashamed
A – nervous to talk to him. Judge myself and him. Avoid contacting him. Search for conversation to fill silence. Feel stressed / pressured.
R – I’m hard to talk to / the conversation is hard?

I’d love to turn this around and feel at ease in conversations or even enjoyment / connection but im struggling with a thought that I believe to bring this about?