I hate that I’m writing this but I just noticed a thought I had and I didn’t like it. I don’t live anywhere near my family. I haven’t in a long time. I find myself extremely jealous of those who get to have any daily family interactions with grandparents or cousins or aunts and uncles etc.  It’s to the point where I don’t even want to see these people’s pictures.  All I feel is my own jealousy and wished that my life looked like their life.

I saw a friend’s post on Facebook about an end-of-the-year summer cousin party that they did and my first thought was, “How stupid”. But I know that’s not how I want to feel, it’s coming from a place of jealousy. I don’t want to think the party is stupid because I’m jealous. There is literally nothing I can actually fix, my family is not close, my family will never be close, and I have absolutely no idea how to get over this and be happy for them and also be happy for the fact that it’s not what I have ever and I never will. My mind also does this awful thing where I then start thinking about all the things I have in my life that they don’t. Well I have a better husband than you, and my children are better behaved than yours etc.

It’s like I’m trying to one up the fact that they have a great family life and I don’t, so I need to make myself try and feel better in my mind about what I have and they don’t. Please help, I do not like this internal version of myself.