C= My mom tested positive for COVID on Sunday. My sister tested positive for COVID yesterday (Wednesday). My mother called me after my sister tested positive laughing because she and my sister were getting a hot chocolate from a local store. On Sunday, her and my dad drove straight from the hospital where she tested to Cracker Barrel for a sit-down dinner. Said said, “when I test positive for COVID, we go to Cracker Barrel. When your sister tests positive, we go get a hot chocolate.” She said this while laughing. Later in the conversation, she said she went grocery shopping that day.

I can do many models on this C, but here’s one:

T= She is being so irresponsible and selfish to expose others to COVID.
F= Outraged.
A= Tell my husband what she did. Tell my friends what she did. Feel great when they all agree this was outrageous. Sit in disbelief that she took these actions knowing she was highly contagious. Wonder about her mental health. Feel the negative energy within me. Don’t laugh with her on the phone. Ask questions like, “did my sister really go in with you to place the order?”
R= I feel justified in my actions.

Is that result correct?

I like my reasons for being outraged in this situation. I do feel it’s a justified anger. I don’t like that she potentially put other people’s lives at risk unnecessarily. I know I have a manual for her that says she should act a certain way if she has COVID. I don’t want to change my thought here to one that makes this situation seem less bad, such as “she’s an independent adult”, “she gets to act how she wants”, and “I just get to love her”.

But, I can see the thought “she is being so irresponsible and selfish to expose others to COVID” interfering with our relationship because it’s not one that creates connection. Instead, it distances me from her and puts my brain on a path of searching for other instances where she’s been irresponsible and selfish.

Is there a way for me to maintain this model and NOT have it interfere with the relationship?